Retro #3 - Bottle Rocket Wars

When I was growing up the biggest holiday of the year was July 3rd, or aka the 4th of July eve. This was the day that the annual bottle rocket wars were held. Before I go on, I must say that I in no way condone these less than intelligent actions I did as a teenager. I have long since reformed my ways. Besides, Jenny will not allow me to buy fireworks. She's afraid that I will corrupt the next generation, which is probably a valid point.

The bottle rocket war festivities began promptly at dusk. All teenagers just a few bricks shy of a load were invited to attend, that generally included everyone in town. Team captains were selected and by the flip of a coin decided which team had high ground and who had the low ground. The loser of the toss got to choose first, usually the person with the best ammo. Once teams were selected we headed on down to the Honda Trails, a strip of land on Forest Service ground next to the lake.

The weapons of choice were firecrackers, bottle rockets, fountains, jumping jacks, roman candles, and the occasional M80. For weeks prior to the event, launch weapons were built, tested and modified. They usually consisted as such things as sawed off ski poles and small diameter pipes with sights built onto the barrels. They were amazingly accurate at 150 feet.

This is typically how the battle went. A fountain was lit on the old road between the two opposing sides to signify the start of the battle. In the mean time, the teams were strategically placing people along the battlefronts with a few members doing some sneaking around the side ready for a flanking maneuver. The long range bottle rocket guns were sent off firing to keep the opposing teams lying low in their foxholes, while the roman candle brigades moved in and laid down heavy artillery from the flanks. This was a sight to behold as this totally lit up the sky as fireball after fireball was launched down on those brave enough to remain in their foxholes. Once the enemy was sufficiently shell shocked, a lone man would run up to the fox hole and launch a grenade which consisted of a brick of several hundred firecrackers that would usually roust any remaining troops. The victorious side would then move into this territory and repeat the process again until the entire enemy territory was captured.

Ok, I admit, this was totally stupid, dangerous, and completely irresponsible. I am amazed that we didn't put any eyes out or burn down the town. If I saw any kids doing that today, I wouldn't wait for the cops to arrive, I would simply go and kick teenage hiney myself. But...for some reason I remember those times as some of the funnest of my life.