Name the Decade Contest

What are we supposed to call this next decade? I need both a working title and a nick name. We floundered around for 10 years not knowing what to call the last one, though I have heard that Time Magazine has nicknamed it the decade from he**. Hopefully, we can come up with something a little more sprightly for the next half score of years.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Prizes will be awarded.

Regardless, I wish you all the best in the new year.

(I'm personally running with the p-20s. aka pre-twenties or maybe decade X, i.e. 10's to you non Romans, or Y2KX, or XX:double X)

Retro #6 - Light up the Sky Like a Flame

As I drove my two oldest girls to a youth dance tonight, I was reminded of a New Year's Eve of long ago. When I was about 9 years old our Stake (Church Organization) held a New Year's Eve dance. Towards the end of the dance, as it was nearing midnight, the live band held a dance off. The song of choice was 'Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown', that old get down and boogy song of the 70's. Well, I pulled out all of the stops and busted a few of my best moves. Sure enough when it was time to announce the winner, I just happened to rise to the top. I think that the angel flights that I was wearing gave me extra style points.

The prize for winning was to be the first in line for refreshments. That was when it struck me, that this was Saturday night and the next day was fast Sunday (a day in our church where we refrain from eating two meals and donate the money that we would have spent on those meals to those in need). I had started my fast, but everyone was waiting for me to load up on goodies and start chowing down. All eyes were on me and I felt a tremendous amount of pressure. I panicked and I grabbed a big sugar cookie and took a bite and then ran out into the hall where I promptly dumped the incriminating evidence in a garbage can.

I remember feeling very guilty for a while. After that, I have been very hesitant to dance like I was the one who inspired the movie 'Fame'. Still, I always wondered if I could have become a 'Solid Gold' dancer.

Meant to be Seen not Worn?

This coat gets a lot of mileage but is never worn. My youngest daughter is frequently requested to not leave the house during the winter months without a coat. She will then grab this coat stubbornly when walking out the door. I figure that when she realizes that she is cold, she will be glad that she has the coat and will put it on. So, she then walks tirelessly around with it under her arm, never once putting it on. Even at the outdoor concert that I blogged about earlier this month, where I thought that I would freeze to death, it wasn't donned. I and another daughter used it as a insulation pad underneath us as we sat on the bench.

Even as we went sledding yesterday in temperatures that were in the teens, this was the result (as seen above)

Not a Creature Was Stirring

There are a lot of surprises and a little anxiety that normally accompanies the arrival of Christmas morning. This year was to be no different. After a late night of preparing for the morning unwrapping fest, I laid in bed early, wondering at what time the little chitlins would arise wanting to rush down and tear into their holiday booty.

That's when it happened. The phone rang. I did not have long to ponder who would be calling at this pre-dawn hour. Was it the kids who were circumventing our security system to get to us? We, of course, had locked our door and nailed a sheet to the walls in the hallway blocking the view of the Christmas Tree downstairs. There was to be no unauthorized access to us or those awaiting presents. The realization came as my wife rolled out of a deep slumber to murmur, "It must be your parents." This was confirmed as I looked at at the caller ID and it said 'the grandparents'.

You see, my parents have always been early risers, and of course, the disease only gets worse with age. At times the genetic defect has manifested itself in me, but I've been able to control it for the most part without medication. Going to bed really really late often cures it on the spot. As of yet, it appears that the early riser gene is dormant in my kids.

I answered the phone to hear my mother asking if the kids had opened all of the presents yet. I said, "Mom, the kids have not even stirred yet, and I don't expect it to happen for quite some time." My mom was aghast and said, "It's already 6:00 a.m., are they not feeling well?" Now when I was a kid and we raced into my parents room at 4:00 on Christmas Morning, it was no skin off their backs. It was like sleeping in to them. They thought that it was totally normal. My mom let me know that she and my dad didn't want to waste the day away. They were ready to see what the kids got and if we didn't get going really fast that we would lose the spirit of Christmas.

I told my mom that I would call as soon as I heard the first peep out of any one of my kids. So she hung up. I felt the the disappointment in her voice. I could envision what she was thinking, "Where did we go wrong with our kids? We thought that at least this one had some potential." The guilt lasted for a good 6 seconds before I drifted back off to sleep.

The next thing that I realized was that the front door bell was ringing. I turned over to see that it was 6:30 a.m. My wife once again rolled out of a deep slumber to say, "It's your parents". I knew that she must be right. I hurried down to the door to let in my parents and my older brother. They were flabbergasted to find out that the kids still weren't up. My dad said that he was just going to find out what the kids got anyway and proceeded into the front room where the presents were. Some of the gifts were wrapped and some, because of their shape and size were not wrapped. My dad started announcing gaily all of the presents that he could identify.
Fortunately for him the kids were still so dead asleep that they couldn't hear him and that my wife does not believe in capital punishment, so his life was spared. Though, I'm sure if she were fully awake she wouldn't have been opposed to a little caning.

They waited patiently for about 10 minutes and finally decided that it was a hopeless cause. They decided to head off to my other brother's house a hour away. Of course my brother's kids would have been up for at least 6 hours and their gifts would be worn out by the time my parents got there. But for them they were salvaging what was left of Christmas Day.

It was still another good 1 1/2 hours before the kids rolled out of bed.

I've learned that in life their are two kinds of people: Those who wake early on Christmas Morning and those who never have seen a Christmas Morning.

What type are you?

Cats and Dogs Living Together

My Father dropped a bombshell on my kids the other day. He called and wanted to talked specifically to the kids. He said, "Did you know that Santa's reindeer are girls?" I thought, yeah right, what type of crazy talk is that. I know that my dad is always trying to pull your leg and tell wild stories that are not always based in pure reality just for the effect (Thank goodness that he didn't pass that genetic trait onto me...right?). Besides, I'm Mr. Trivia and of course would know something like that..wouldn't I?

He laid out the facts: Both male and female reindeer grow antlers which are shed each year. The Bucks (that's guy reindeer to you and me) drop their antlers in early winter, like the end of November to mid December. The Does (pronounced doughs not dues to you more ungulately challenged folk) keep theirs until they calve in the spring. Thus only the females have the head hardware when it comes time to pull the big guy's sled.

Whoa, am I glad that he didn't spill that one on me when I was a kid. That would have totally messed with my brain. My kids took it in stride, though. They're such the hardened generation, nothing seems to bother them. Still, could this be true. Could the visions of sugar plums that danced in my head as a youth really be soured prunes?

I had to research and find out for myself, no matter how long it took. Thanks to wikipedia the agony lasted for a good 15 seconds. Yes, it is true that the male reindeer do generally drop their antlers early, but, and this is an important 'but', some young, strong, buff, able to fly over a continent in a single bound bucks can keep their antlers until spring. So there you have it, paradigm left perfectly intact. Thank you very much!!

But then I started to think about Santa and had the thought, "In Italian and Spanish isn't Santa a 'feminine form' word. Wouldn't the masculine be San." Maybe Kris Kringle is really short for Kristina Kringle.

Stop!!! don't mess with my mind anymore.

Saloon Building 101

The dinner conversation somehow moved to talking about the Shooting Star, the Local Bar. Apparently, I'm the only one who has ever been in it in our family. Go figure, what the heck are those four kids of mine doing in their spare time anyway...But I digress, here is a portion of their conversation:

Daughter 1: I've seen in it before, once when the door was open.

Daughter 2: Yeah, me too. It's not like what I thought it would look like.

Daughter 1: There are dollar bills all over the ceiling.

Daughter 3: Cool.

Daughter 2: That is such the waste.

Daughter 1: What do you mean? I think that is totally normal. How is it a waste?

Daughter 2: Let's see you build a house and see how much money you have left over to paste all over the ceiling!

On the Third Day of Festivus My True Love...

I was thinking to myself as I was listening to some Christmas music the other day on the radio that it seemed rare to hear a new song and not just a remixed version of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". I was guessing that the ratio had to be at least 20:1 of original new and remix new.

Well, this is the latest 'Holiday' song from our own Senator Orrin Hatch. There hasn't been as much excitement out there for a new song since Mr. Sir Paul McCartney came up with that forever classic, "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime". I'm not too sure of what I think of Senator Hatch's song, but I am certainly glad that he took the time out of his busy schedule to actually do something productive (health care reform is such the drag). I'm not sure if he has gotten the details all correct, after all he's a mormon singing about Jewish history. What's next, a Jew singing Christmas songs...Oh yeah, Neal Diamond's all ready done that. He even had his own Christmas Special to boot.

All I can say from this clip is that Senator Hatch sure looks good on camera.

Eight Days of Hanukkah from Tablet Magazine on Vimeo.

By the way, what is your all time favorite Christmas song? I think mine is "Silent Night". "Feliz Navidad" may be a close second.

What's a Nubbin and Do We Need Them?

My youngest daughter had an outdoor choir performance in minus 'the temperature to freeze your nubbins off' degrees Fahrenheit last night. Of course the performance was a plus, but the weather was definitely a minus. Unfortunately, for our youngest, he got sick and couldn't make it. Fortunately, for my wife, our youngest got sick and couldn't make it. Thus, requiring her to stay home to nurse the ailing.

So, it was me and the three girls who braved the cold. While I was sitting there chattering, one of my girls got after me for forgetting to bring the camera to document this momentus occasion. The other daughter, apparently who was a little more tech savvy, suggested that I use my cell phone to snap a photo. I, therefore, reluctantly dug deep into my 50 layers of clothes and pulled my phone out. I then took off my gloves and attempted to take a shot. I only had space enough on my phone to take one photo. I ended up taking that one photo several times because each time I took it, it would show up blurry. After a bit, I finally gave up because it seemed like the photos kept getting worse and worse the more times I went through the process of taking the picture, looking at the picture, erasing the picture, and then starting again. I finally just emailed what I had to myself and threw back on my gloves.

Eventually, when my brain warmed back up enough upon sipping some hot chocolate, I realized what my problem was. I had been so cold that my hands were constantly shaking. Oh well, my daughter will have to be satisfied knowing that she is one of the blurry blobs in this photo.

Worth Your Weight in Roadside Hazards

Do you know how the Utah Department of Transportation measures the worth of a man? If he stops along a road, that he has no responsibility for, and pulls off fresh road kill out of the travel lanes.